The need for Normancy

It's not an easy road ...most times it has been a rough and bumpy road. Not just my son who has a terminal illness but also having to deal with my own illnesses. Tonight I found out that it is mandatory I go into the hospital. I have neglected my own health for the sake of making sure that Tim is taking care of. Now I am suffering from possible kidney failure, pancreatis and God only knows what else.

A friend found me in my car today passed out. ... unable to respond. After she was able to get me to respond she insisted I go to the hospital right away. But I talked her out of it. Hours later, the doc says I need to go in ASAP.

I can't sleep. there is much to do plus finding nursing help to stay with Tim while I'm away at the hospital. I don't like beig sick. I don't like hospitals. It just makes me cry to think that next few days I'll be poked and have pictures taken of my body and all kinds of tests done and at the same time find a way to keep me safe and alive. Yes...I've been feeling suicidal too. Depression sucks! I've been having alot of anxiety and extremely sad with some anger.

I wish I can be just normal. Whatever that is?! I just want a normal life and I might not get that until after Tim is gone and hopefull that won't be for a long time.

I've been anxious over a lot of things, including trying to get the child support going and then running into road blocks. Seriously. I want for once something good to come into our lives. Know what I mean?

So if you are a Christian and beleive in prayers....I ask for your prayers and your support. I need it "desperately". I need a life....a NEW life. For I am only human and even we as humans need some type of normancy. Or do we? (LOL)