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So I have a boyfriend who makes twice my salary.  When we go on "family" vacations, meaning me and his two children, he has me pay for half of everything.  Half the rental car, half the gas,etc, and the trips we've been too have been to visit his family out of state.  We went to see his mother in Iowa and we also flew to MOntana to see his brother (without his two kids).  He would have gone if I hadn't. 

 

So he is taking his two kids to Disney this weekend and they are staying in the Value Resort.  After he booked it, he mentioned his daughters want to stay in the expensive Polynesian hotel next time and said I should go along too and pay for half.  And this just irked me to no end.  I've been to Disney with him and his children and it was not fun to say the least.  They are teenagers and they would literally bounce back and forth from Splash Mountain to Space Mountain, Splash Mountain to Space Mountain, over and over again waiting in the hour lines and wanting me to wait with them and I did and I rode it with them even though I have a heart condition but they pitched a fit when I wanted to stand in a 3 minute line to meet the Queen of Hearts.   

 

So I said, "No thank you.  I've been to Disney with you and your kids before and it was a miserable experience." To which he replied I needed to get over that and then I said,"Well, You make twice as much money as me and yet you want me to pay for half of a vacation for four people."  (and may I add that it was I who purchased his one daughter's annual pass and that I have an annual pass).  

 

Am I totally off on this?  Not that I am ever going to Disney World again with them cause I am not but I don't think its right that he has me pay for half on his family trips that  he has to go regardlessly.  He has to rent a car if I go or not.  He has to pay for gas if I go or not and yet he wants me to pay for half and then brags that he "took me" to Iowa or Montana.  I always say, "No you didn't.  I paid for myself."

 

 

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If you are in a serous relationship with this guy you need to combine your money...It shouldn't be your money vs his money, it should be both your money.  If you are not in a serious relationship with him then he needs to pay his and his own kids way while you only need to take care of your expenses, unless he wants to be a good guy and gentleman and pay for yours (as he should if he is asking you to come on a trip with him and his kids). 

He's not really being a great boyfriend. 

I think asking you to pay half of everything is a little ridiculous. Would he still do the same if you two were married? He is the one inviting you to go visit his family/vacation with his family. I can understand if you two made an agreement that you'd pitch in a little bit on some things, but half seems a little steep.  

I don't think you should be asked to pay for half of anything, I would refuse to go on trips...tell him you can't afford it.  If he really wants you to go, he'll pay for you to go.  I am all for ladies picking up the tab here and there for dinner or something special...I don't think it should be a given that men pay for everything but if he makes more money than you then he should be offering to pay for more stuff.  I understand if you guys aren't quite at that point in your relationship where finances are combined but splitting stuff in half all the time doesn't seem like much of a partnership.  

i can't believe he's asking you to pay for anything. i guess times have changed in the 12yrs or so i've been out of the dating game. he seriously dragged you half way across the country to visit his family and made you pay for it? um, no. i'd be looking for a new boyfriend. at the most you should be paying your expenses and that's it. 

He makes DOUBLE what I make and pretty much lives with me but doesn't contribute financially to my household but yet he wants me to contribute to "the family vacation.". He does buy dog food but his dog is there too and babysits for me sometimes but I babysit for him too.

I passive aggressively texted him if he had his ex wife pay for half of their trips to Iowa to visit his mother or to Disney out of her house cleaning earnings while they were married but he didn't answer.

Yep , I think I am for sure skipping all these half sie vacation suggestions that are to visit his family or to entertain his kids. This is the first guy I have dated since my divorce and the world has changed but I am glad I am validated that this feels off to me

um, yeah. screw that. if he's pretty much living there and not chipping in but wants you to pay half for trips, i'd start rethinking things. 

If your children are also going on these trips,I would say yes split things down  the middle.If not dividing the cost 4 ways would be ok,that way you would only be paying your own way. That said, if he is getting a free ride at your house ,he should not be expecting any type of financial help in any way from you. Good luck !

You posted something that rang a bell: passive aggressive. It sounds like you're letting him and his children treat you badly in some ways but then complain about it. Why would you even think of going on a roller coaster with a heart condition??? If you allow people to treat you badly, then they will keep doing it. Instead of being passive agressive, just tell him and his children what you want, and if they don't like it, then maybe the relationship wasn't meant to work out. There are plenty of guys out there.

I don't mean to be rude or anything but you've seemed to post A LOT about this boyfriend and the things he does and says. To me, it seems like you two need to take a step back and take a break. He doesn't seem to be treating you like a guy should, he sounds like a total @$$ in all the posts you've made. I would get out and move on. Just because you've got 3 kids doesn't mean there aren't other guys out there waiting to treat you like you should be treated. This is just my opinion, hoping I'm not alone on this one though because, like I said, in every post I've ever read about this bf, he seems like a total @!$%! Not only that but the fact that he lets his own children treat you the way they do is absolutely unacceptable, I don't care if they are teenagers or not. Teach your kids some respect!

I completely agree!

Gainesville said:

I don't mean to be rude or anything but you've seemed to post A LOT about this boyfriend and the things he does and says. To me, it seems like you two need to take a step back and take a break. He doesn't seem to be treating you like a guy should, he sounds like a total @$$ in all the posts you've made. I would get out and move on. Just because you've got 3 kids doesn't mean there aren't other guys out there waiting to treat you like you should be treated. This is just my opinion, hoping I'm not alone on this one though because, like I said, in every post I've ever read about this bf, he seems like a total @!$%! Not only that but the fact that he lets his own children treat you the way they do is absolutely unacceptable, I don't care if they are teenagers or not. Teach your kids some respect!

First--you deserve better.

Second--make him pay half of the living expense immediately and don't ever let someone else move in with you without having an agreement that they pay half

Third--Find another guy--this one is a jerk. He is using you--you are cutting his expenses, you are helping him out by taking care of his kids and what are you getting in return? Not much...

Fourth--there are lots of guys out there--even with three kids you will find a great one. I thought no one would want to date me much less marry me with two--I was very very wrong. Believe in yourself. 

Have I mentioned--you deserve better? Stop being passive aggressive and the doormat, lay it all on the table and let it fall where it may--he'll either shape up or ship out. Either way--you will be much happier. :) 

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